Scotland Got the Wee Ben With Whipped Cream on it
by Talented but Lazy
Summary: England Arthur finds his dear older brother Scotland Alastair on a table, waiting for him. This is pure crack, and I guess a warning for incest is in place here.


Well if this wasn't just perfect.

Arthur walked in the kitchen, only to find his older brother, Alastair, sprawled on the table. Stark naked, with only a big neon pink bow to cover the Loch Ness Monster.

The red-haired didn't seem to notice the younger man and continued lying there with his legs wide open. Arthur felt his Big Ben starting to ring its bell just at the sight in front of him.

The Englishman walked in closer and slipped between his older brother's legs. The latter snapped his eyes open in surprise, which immediately disappeared as he smirked, 'Aboot time fer you tae come~ 'been waitin' fer...a don' know, two hours.' Despite the reproach in Alastair's voice, his smirk remained.

'Well excuse me for not wanting to cook anything. Though I wouldn't mind cooking right now this brother of mine lying on the table~' said Arthur oh-so-casually as he slid his hands down the sides of the 'food's' body.

'Mmm~ Be careful nawt tae o'ercooke me~' the Scotsman pulled him down into a hot kiss before he could say or do anything more. Alastair yanked off his tie and undid his shirt.

Arthur broke the kiss, panting, 'Give me that.' he took the tie from the man underneath him and tied his hands over his head.

'Ah-Arthur?' the Scotsman suddenly seemed to lose all his confidence. Apparently there was a spell cast over Alastair so when his hands were tied over his head, he turned into a super-uke. Arthur knew that perfectly well – after all, he had cast said spell. The thick-eyebrowed blond tugged his shirt off and unbuckled his belt. His trousers fell past his knees, revealing his pink boxers with unicorns on them; one of the horny stallions was positioned between his legs so it had a real 'horn' right now.

Arthur leaned down and slooooowly took the bow off with his teeth, making his brother whine, 'T-take et aff f-faster!' Arthur chuckled, 'You aren't in a position to tell me what to do, now are you, dear Alastie~?'

With a jerk of Arthur's head, the bow fell to the ground. He held the other's twitching hips down and licked the head of the now fully awoken Monster of the Loch Ness.

'A-ah-Arthu-ur!' the Scotsman didn't even try to hold down the moan. Arthur held him down stronger and slowly tried to take it in his mouth without gagging - he had to admit, the beast was really big.

He reached out his hand to the moaning mouth and made him suck on his fingers. Still pleasuring the Scottish monster, he retreated his now well lubricated fingers and teased the Loch Ness itself. When all three digits had stretched the entrance enough, he removed his fingers and his mouth at the same time, making the panting red-head whine his name again, wanting more.

The Englishman, however, had other ideas. He pulled away from his brother, ignoring for now the pain in his unicorn boxers. What would be most suitable? Olive oil? No, there wasn't any more left anyway. Sunflower oil? Nope, too greasy. Butter? The blond chuckled and shook the idea away. Meanwhile, Alastair was watching him walk around the kitchen, 'Artie... hurry up, plea-ase~'

Suddenly the Englishman smirked. He walked over to the fridge and took something from it. Alastair tried to see what it was, but the other hid it behind his back.

'Whi-whit's tha'?' the Scotsman tried to hoist himself up to look better at the younger.'You'll see~' Arthur purred out. 'Spread your legs more.' Alastair obeyed; he couldn't wait anymore to be filled up. 'Good. Now lean back and close your eyes.'

The Scotsman obeyed again. He heard a strange noise and Arthur hiss slightly. Then the blond gripped his hips again and he felt something cold on them, though he didn't dare to open his eyes. The red-head felt something strangely cold and wet on his Loch Ness shore. He heard a pant asking if he was ready, to which he answered with a shaky 'yes'.

With a strange sound the cold Big Ben was fully in, bringing moans from both British men. A steady pace was started. Alastair had no idea what sort of lube his brother/lover was using this time, but it felt absolutely amazing.

While the two were cooking sweet love with the whipped cream used as lube, Caden upstairs was rocking on his chair, scared by the (in his opinion) demonic voices coming from the kitchen. He summoned one of his many dragons, jumped through the window on its back and flew far far far away, kidnapping a sheep with him. For... personal purposes...

Back to the men making overburnt love on the kitchen table. They soon felt they were about to finish cooking and the Englishman spilt his own cream deep in Alastair as the Scotsman spilt his Irn Jizz all over their chests.

Arthur untied his brother, who immediately turned into his old seme self and flipped their places.

'Top me, hmm? Let's see ye when a fuck ye hard. Nae lube.' the Scotsman smirked sinisterly at the fear on his brother's face.

Suddenly another sheep jumped in through the window and they had the hottest threesome ever.

Their screams and moans of pleasure were heard all over the world until they ran out of whipped cream. Then everything became silent again.

* * *

><p>Note: Caden is Wales.<p> 


End file.
